Thursday, March 1, 2012

Jesus Jokes

Little Anthony, 7 years old, goes to see his uncle, the local Mafia Don.

"Uncle!" says little Tony, "I want the new toy advertised on the television for Christmas!"

"Well, Anthony, you'll have to ask Santa Claus" says the uncle.

Anthony goes to his room, and writes a letter to Santa. "Dear Santa Claus. I have been very very good this year. Please bring me the new toy that I want so dearly, signed Anthony"

Christmas comes, and Anthony doesn't get his toy.

All sad he goes back to see his uncle.

"Uncle, I didn't get my toy. Santa didn't bring it. What should I do?"
"Well Anthony, sometimes when you don't get what you want from a wiseguy, you have to go straight to the big boss. Go ask baby Jesus."

Anthony goes to his room, gets down on his knees and starts to pray.

"Dear baby Jesus. I have been very very good this year... I mean, I promise to be very very good next year..."

Distracted, he glances at the small statue of the Virgin Mary on the desk. He stares at it in silence for a minute. Then, grinning, he picks the statue up, puts it in the desk drawer and slams it shut.

"Dear baby Jesus, it's time you and I have a talk. If you want to see your mother again..."


Mr Thompson owns a hardware store specializing in iron nails. He decides that for Easter, he's going to promote a big sale on television.

After a few weeks, a few days before Easter, the ad finally airs on the television.

In it, we can see Jesus on the cross, behind laughed at by roman soldiers. Jesus turns his head toward the camera and says "They made the right choice, for a secure fastening, they are using Mr. Thompson's Nails!"

Offended Catholic protesters send hate mail to the tv station and to Mr. Thompson's store, arguing that the ad is disrespectful of Christianity.

Mr. Thompson therefore has the tv station air a different ad a few days later.

In the new ad, we can see Jesus running in a flowery field with rainbows and butterflies, with dozens of roman soldiers chasing him. A voice-over narrator says "Now they know. They should have used Mr. Thompson's Nails!"

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