Sunday, February 12, 2012

The booze police state

Apparently I have to be treated like a common criminal and show ID when I want to buy alcohol. Thank you, government, for protecting me from myself, what would I do without you? Mind you, I am quite flattered when a cute 18-year-old cashier asks for my ID, this means I still look hot and young enough to be able to date women her age, which is awesome, and good for my self-esteem. Or maybe she is just trying to memorize my street address, in which case I have a hot stalker. Sweet. But the fact that this is a government-mandated verification is annoying. I can brew my own beer in my kitchen with just barley, hops and water, and maybe I should stick to that instead of submitting myself to the obnoxious ID verification ritual. If this were Canada, they probably wouldn't even ask for my ID, because the drinking age is still 18 over there, and they really don't care that much about enforcing it. The Prohibition was arguably the stupidest, most idiotic thing any government in the history of humanity has ever done. It was more retarded than the god-damn Spanish Inquisition. I should be able to buy beer without showing ID. I don't give a crap if your stupid 16-year old kids are going to drink and crash their POS car into a tree. To hell with your stupid kids; I just want to buy some god-damn beer without being treated like an Auschwitz inmate. What the hell do you think is going to happen if -god forbid- I get my hands on a six-pack of Sam Adams Boston Lager without -gasp!- showing ID? Is the whole world going to come to a fiery end? Get over yourselves, and I hope you trip and fall from your stupid moral high ground and break your weakling little legs, you fools! It's just bloody beer, for crying out loud. I really, really, really want to use the f-word right now. God! I SO want to use that stupid word right now.

Yes, I know, I am currently breaking two of my new year's resolutions, the first one being 'no more angry rants', and the other one being 'no more drinking and blogging' but it's so god-damn cathartic to write about what happened two hours ago at the store that I am giving myself a free pass.

We as a people cannot be free until we can buy beer without having to prove that we have the right to. AHHH I really want to end this with the F-word followed by YOU! But I'm not going to because I can at least keep some F-WORD-ing resolutions.

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