Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Stupid email chain of the day - Part 2 - UPDATED

I received yet another stupid email chain.

Why do people bother forwarding this Grand Old Propaganda?

As I did last time, I will reproduce the whole text of this mental retardation example, then analyze it line by line.

Here it goes:

THE FENCEYou can’t get any more accurate than this!
Which Side of the fence?If You ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.Democrats demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it..A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it to his friends.
A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".

Well, I forwarded it.


<VOMIT OUT LOUD>

Ok, pardon my bodily function comedy, but this makes me wanna lick a subway car window. It's that mind-numbing. Now my line-by-line criticism of this atrocious piece of Republicrap:


THE FENCE

Considering the source, at first I thought this was some xenophobic rag about building a fence between Texas and Mexico, and I was shocked that it's actually about a stupid imaginary fence. 

You can’t get any more accurate than this!

Hum, yeah, I can. You are a bigot. Do you need me to be more accurate?

Which Side of the fence?
If You ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If this is a test, you failed. You followed the instructions to the letter and you forwarded this to 17 contacts. The test was designed to see who would be sufficiently cognitively challenged to actually forward the email. Grade = F.

If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one.

And if an anarchist doesn't like guns, he obtains one anyway because he knows it's an essential item to have in a survival kit.

If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

Nowadays, few democrats would risk their political careers over that...

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.

Come on dude... there is no such thing as a vegetarian republican. They are all cannibals.

If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

I think you are talking about vegans, but not all vegans are democrats, and not all democrats are vegans. But you are retarded, so I'll cut you some slack. Venn diagrams are too complicated for your tiny minuscule cerebral cortex.

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.

And then he has sex with other men in airport restrooms, and tries to deny it after it goes public.

If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

So not only are you racist, you are also an anti-gay bigot. Textbook definition of a Republican.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.

Actually I thought a republican would try to find a way to blame his predicament on blacks and gays. (And mexicans). Oh and blame it on malevolent 'liberals'.

A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.

I wonder if you sniffed to much glue as a kid.

If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.

Of course, back to Faux News, right?

Democrats demand that those they don't like be shut down.

Ah crap, still claiming that hate speech should be legal, huh?

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.

Yeah right, a republican non-believer. I'll believe it when I see it.

A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

Religion is poison for the mind. God is dead.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it..

Or he buys crappy discount insurance only to find out that it doesn't cover cancer treatment. Oops! At least once he croaks he won't start complaining about how he had a change of heart and he now thinks that the free market should be regulated.

A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.

No, not the rest of 'us', just greedy rich bastards who don't want to pay their fair share of taxes, but don't mind having the middle class pay to invade Oilinthegroundistan. Why is it that poor republicans insist on protecting rich pigs who really couldn't care less about their well-being?

If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it to his friends.

Translation: if you forward it to 17 friends within 17 minutes of reading this, your three dearest wishes will come true! It's true! Baby Jesus told me!

A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".

Maybe, but an anarchist might post it on a blog to make fun of every single line of it.

Well, I forwarded it.

Well, f*ck you.


I'm sorry for my harsh language concerning republicans (I shouldn't generalize, many of my close relatives are republicans), but stupid email chains like this one really get my blood boiling. The ignorance and bigotry that permeates this garbage really pisses me off. Do not forward stupid email crap because an email tells you to do so, you stupid computer illiterate son of a b*tch.

___________________________________________

EDIT 2011-AUG-04 : I want to apologize for the condescending tone of this post. The truth is, not all Republicans are bigots, and not all of them are closed-minded partisans. My issue here is that some of my close relatives are exemplary in their embrace of stereotypical Republican rhetoric and propagandist mantras, and we often clash over politics, which has caused some strained family relations. Also, I have myself voted for some Republican electoral candidates before (Ron Paul being one of them) and even contributed money to a local candidate's campaign, so really I shouldn't post angry remarks like the above, but when the same relatives email me this garbage, I can't help but ridicule this partisan baloney. 

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