If Harold Camping is correct, today is the day of the rapture.
Stay tuned for details throughout the day, we will give you regular updates as we obtain more information.
8:03 AM : I woke up and my wife is not in bed. Looked around the house, and she is nowhere to be seen. Her truck is still here though.
8:57 AM: There is no one at the neighbor's house. My dogs are pooping all over his yard, undisturbed.
9:03 AM: Tuned in to FOX News. No sign of intelligent life there.
9:06 AM: I begin to worry that my Christian tenants will not be able to pay the rent anymore. They are not answering the phone. If they broke their lease agreement by leaving for Heaven, I swear there will be Hell to pay.
9:48 AM: I am beginning to calm down. I get the car ready to go do some looting.
10:08 AM: I bring my toolbox in case the car breaks down; Maybe my mechanic's been raptured away too...
10:10 AM: Texting and driving right now. No cops around. The word on the street is that Macho Man Randy Savage did not die yesterday, as evidenced by the government's refusal to release photos of the body. Conspiracy theorists make the bold claim that the rapture actually started yesterday with Macho Man, and the government has been trying to cover it up.