Saturday, April 24, 2010

Cosmological Arguments

For the sake of argument, let's assume that the following statements are true:

Everything that had a beginning had a cause
The universe had a beginning.
Therefore, the universe had a cause.
We call this cause God.

Can someone explain to me how you can take such a deist concept of God and then prove that this is in fact the God of Moses and Abraham? I fail to see how anyone can make that leap. The evidence linking the deist creator to the Hebrew deity is just too thin. How do you know for sure that it is in fact the Hebrew God Yaweh that created the Universe? Why not Brahma? Or Ahura Mazda? Or the vomiting Mbombo? Or Mangala?

Buddhists don't believe that the universe had a beginning. "Conjecture about [the origin, etc., of] the world is an unconjecturable that is not to be conjectured about, that would bring madness & vexation to anyone who conjectured about it."

Patron Saints

image source: Wikipedia

A friend tonight was watching an episode of "L.A. Ink" on TLC. (Oh yeah The "Learning" Channel actually used to show informative documentaries about the Roman Legions and stuff like that, but I guess it's easier and cheaper to make time-wasting reality shows)

Anyway.

So a kid walks into the tattoo parlor, and requests to get a tattoo of Saint Christopher, patron saint of travelers, on his chest. He said that his mom used to buy him Saint Christopher medals all the time, but he kept losing them. He figured he wouldn't lose a tattoo. So the tattoo artist says something like "How about getting a tattoo of the patron saint of not losing sh*t?" And I got a good laugh from it. And this one time, at band camp...

Fun fact! According to Wikipedia, Saint Christopher (see above image) is sometimes represented with the head of a dog!! Son of a bitch!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Death and Taxes.


I just paid my income taxes.

I should feel relieved, but I don't. I hate accounting. Forcing people to pay taxes, I'm actually OK with that. Forcing people to try figure out asset depreciation and amortization recapture? That is CRUEL AND UNUSUAL.

Oh of course, to add insult to injury, I have to PAY a professional to figure this stuff out because your rules are so ABSURDLY convoluted?

Just take the god-damn money and leave me alone! Figure out the paperwork for yourselves...

Amortization recapture... just shoot me, please.

Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor not a savant.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Jesus Christ Rises From Grave Three Days Early



By His Lordship the Gun-Toting Atheist (Associated Press)
Thursday, April 1st, 2010.

JERUSALEM - Vatican representatives in Israel announced today that Jesus Christ, aka Jesus of Nazareth, has risen from the grave three days ahead of schedule, taking Easter mass organizers off guard.

"This is the first time in almost 2000 years that this has occurred", said pope Benedict XVI in a Twitter interview.

"He came out of the grave, and he definitely saw his shadow. Then he retreated to the sarcophagus and closed the door. I'm afraid this means we'll have six more weeks of winter, which sucks because I was really looking forward to spending all of next week on my yacht", said His Holiness.

Not everybody is upset, however. Catholic children from around the world are excited that lent has come to an end early, which means that they can finally eat chocolate for the first time in 37 days.

This leaves meteorology experts confused, as Punxsutawney Phil already predicted six more weeks of winter on February 2nd, 2010.

"He predicted six weeks eight weeks ago, and now we have to wait another six? That is just not fair!" added the Pope.

Punxsutawney Phil was not available for comment.